Adoption Myth #10 – Birth Mothers get on with their life after giving up a child

National Adoption Awareness Week aims to demystify the issues around adoption, raise awareness and acknowledge all parties in adoption. Part of that aim is to dispel the “Myths of Adoption.

Adoptive parents in Australia identified the top ten myths they have to deal with when talking with family, friends and passers-by in the shopping centre that can’t resist asking “Whose child is that?

MYTH # 10 – Birth/Natural mothers get on with their lives after giving a child up.
FACTS – The grief of giving up a child never leaves a person.

It is easy to be so focused on the child and the adopting parents that another, critical, party is left unconsidered. In most cases, especially with international adoptions, no information is available on the birth parents. Much is presumed about their attitude and condition that simply isn’t fair and more often than not, is unsubstantiated.  Xinran Xue, when visiting Sydney on a book tour a few years back, vividly pointed this out, when she noted, in the audience at one reception, a high number of adoptive parents with Chinese children. Her tearful comment was, “Thank you for loving our daughters”.

To assume that Chinese women, or any others (!) are flippant and uncaring about their decision to relinquish their children evidences an insular, uninformed bias. This bias contributes to the anti-adoption attitude in our government and community today. A bias that National Adoption Awareness Week hopes to, in part, begin to, reverse.

Wanting a Daughter Needing a Son“, by Kay Ann Johnson provides a good start point, in regard to Chinese Adoption, for those wanting to know more.

6 thoughts on “Adoption Myth #10 – Birth Mothers get on with their life after giving up a child

  1. Cedar,
    Not all parents have a choice about relinquishment and certainly not all (in fact, most) made plans for their children to be adopted. Most would have done so in fear, confusion and lasting pain.
    The majority of children do not get adopted and in the case of those that do, not all go into perfect harmonious families.

    Unvisiblemother,
    Thank you for commenting. I don’t want to appear trite or simplistic but I appreciate you taking time to write what you did – here and on your blog. Please keep talking about your experience. Pregnant girls in similar situations need to hear they’re not alone and adopted children need to know about birth parents (when possible).

  2. Cedar I didn’t make an adoption plan, I gave my baby up for adoption. I didn’t make the ultimate sacrifice so that YOU or people like YOU could have a baby. It wasn’t about YOU and it didn’t feel like a choice either.

    AND NO I NEVER GOT OVER IT

    Call it what you want, make it all about YOU if you must but that’s not going to change anything for me.

  3. I think it’s good to Admire Birthmothers & use the language “who MADE AN ADOPTION PLAN FOR THEIR BIRTH CHILD.” I dislike the wording “gave up their child”, because these COURAGEOUS mothers made the ULTIMATE sacrifice so those of us who are childless NOT OUT OF CHOICE could become parents to these beautiful children

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