Fainting Fits

I have re-posted this quote a few times in the last few years. There is an intensity and loneliness in ministry unlike others. One that affects the minister as well as his wife and family. I find it a rich pick-me-up of sorts. You could spend a lot of time expositing almost each phrase, such is the quality of the prose. Perhaps you will also gain some refreshment from reading it?

Whilst I may never measure to the mark of Spurgeon in the quality or quantity of his ministry I find encouragement in his words given in chapter 11 of Lectures to My Students. I wish I had the same confidence as he concerning his “fit” of depression being a precursor to a “larger blessing”.

Such was my experience when I first became a pastor in London. My success appalled me; and the thought of the career which it seemed to open up, so far from elating me, cast me into the lowest depth, out of which I uttered my miserere and found no room for a gloria in excelsis. Who was I that I should continue to lead so great a multitude? I would betake me to my village obscurity, or emigrate to America, and find a solitary nest in the backwoods, where I might be sufficient for the things which would be demanded of me. It was just then that the curtain was rising upon my life-work, and I dreaded what it might reveal. I hope I was not faithless, but I was timorous and filled with a sense of my own unfitness. I dreaded the work which a gracious providence had prepared for me. I felt myself a mere child, and trembled as I heard the voice which said, “Arise, and thresh the mountains, and make them as chaff.” This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison. So have far better men found it. The scouring of the vessel has fitted it for the Master’s use. Immersion in suffering has preceded the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Fasting gives an appetite for the banquet. The Lord is revealed in the backside of the desert, while his servant keepeth the sheep and waits in solitary awe. The wilderness is the way to Canaan. The low valley leads to the towering mountain. Defeat prepares for victory. The raven is sent forth before the dove. The darkest hour of the night precedes the day-dawn. The mariners go down to the depths, but the next wave makes them mount to the heaven: their soul is melted because of trouble before he bringeth them to their desired haven.

 

Battling against that black dog

Cover of Lectures to My Students

I wish I had the same confidence as Charles Spurgeon concerning his “fit” of depression being a precursor to a “larger blessing”. Whilst I will never measure to the mark of Spurgeon in the quality or scope of his ministry I find encouragement in his words given in chapter 11 of Lectures to My Students.

… I was timorous and filled with a sense of my own unfitness. I dreaded the work which a gracious providence had prepared for me. I felt myself a mere child, and trembled as I heard the voice which said, “Arise, and thresh the mountains, and make them as chaff.”

This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison. So have far better men found it. The scouring of the vessel has fitted it for the Master’s use. Immersion in suffering has preceded the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Fasting gives an appetite for the banquet. The Lord is revealed in the backside of the desert, while his servant keepeth the sheep and waits in solitary awe. The wilderness is the way to Canaan. The low valley leads to the towering mountain. Defeat prepares for victory. The raven is sent forth before the dove. The darkest hour of the night precedes the day-dawn. The mariners go down to the depths, but the next wave makes them mount to the heaven: their soul is melted because of trouble before he bringeth them to their desired haven.

 

God versus Grief

How long does grief endure?

No length of time is prescribed in scripture. Well meaning counsel may suggest, “It’s time to move on“. However, the time for you and the time for me to “move on” may differ significantly.

It will differ because of our personality, our temperament, our emotional stamina, our peculiar strengths and attributes and a host of other factors. There are mental and emotional health concerns if grief becomes life consuming and controlling, and there will be a time when you do “move on”, however there is no timetable to specify exactly when that should be.

Our experience and expression of grief is likely to change over time, but it may be, in this life, that we never fully “move on” in some instances.

e.g. I lost my Dad, via a sudden drowning accident, 20 years ago this coming July 8th, 2009. Rarely can I discuss it at length without pause or getting a lump in my throat, and on occasion, a few tears. 20 years! Surely it’s time to “move on”?! The pain of the loss, whilst not as intense as those first few days and weeks, is still there. I am better able to manage my expression of my grief, rather than it dominating me, however it is no less real.

In 1 Peter 1:3-9, Peter discusses the matter of grief and rejoicing. He acknowledges the reality of grief without condemnation or criticism. The term translated as “grieved” in verse 6 of the ESV is “heaviness” in the KJV. The word describes sorrow, heaviness of heart, depression and sadness.

Peter doesn’t leave us in the mire and fog of grief, he points to “rejoicing”; in spite of our trials and suffering: Jesus Christ and the assurance of spiritual blessing and inheritance that he offers. Our lives are not dominated by our feelings, they are out weighed by the fullness of God’s glory in an through the salvation wrought by Christ’s own suffering on our behalf and subsequent resurrection through which he bequeaths to us a living hope.

As Paul, the apostle, said elsewhere:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

In the matter of Grief versus God: God is bigger, heavier and lasts longer, and our grief is temporal or transient.

Our grief does have a definite limit – there will come a time, as promised, that God will wipe away the tears. Until then, no time limit is placed on the duration of grief we might experience from any particular trial or loss. Whatever your grief or heaviness, God’s goodness and glory is greater and that is cause for rejoicing.

 

Movember

During Movember (the month formerly known as November) I’m growing a Mo. That’s right I’m bringing the Mo back because I’m passionate about tackling men’s health issues and being proactive in the fight against men’s depression and prostate cancer.

To donate to my Mo you can either:
Click this link https://www.movember.com/au/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink&rego=1636526&country=au and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account, or

Write a cheque payable to ‘Movember Foundation’, referencing my Registration Number 1636526 and mailing it to:
                                            Movember Foundation
                                            PO Box 292
                                            Prahran VIC 3181
Remember, all donations over $2 are tax deductible – within Australia

The money raised by Movember is used to raise awareness of men’s health issues and donated to the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia and beyondblue – the national depression initiative. The PCFA and beyondblue will use the funds to fund research and increase support networks for those men who suffer from prostate cancer and depression.

Did you know:
Depression affects 1 in 6 men….most don’t seek help. Untreated depression is a leading risk factor for suicide.
Last year in Australia 18,700 men were diagnosed with prostate cancer and more than 2,900 died of prostate cancer – equivalent to the number of women who will die from breast cancer annually.

For those that have supported Movember in previous years you can be very proud of the impact it has had and can check out the details at: Fundraising Outcomes

Thanks for your support,

Albert.

More information is available at http://www.movember.com/.
 
Movember is proudly grown by Holden and Schick.
Movember is proud partners with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia and beyondblue – the national depression initiative.

 

Fainting Fits

Whilst I may never measure to the mark of Spurgeon in the quality or quantity of his ministry I find encouragement in his words given in chapter 11 of Lectures to My Students. I wish I had the same confidence as he concerning his “fit” of depression being a precursor to a “larger blessing”.

Such was my experience when I first became a pastor in London. My success appalled me; and the thought of the career which it seemed to open up, so far from elating me, cast me into the lowest depth, out of which I uttered my miserere and found no room for a gloria in excelsis. Who was I that I should continue to lead so great a multitude? I would betake me to my village obscurity, or emigrate to America, and find a solitary nest in the backwoods, where I might be sufficient for the things which would be demanded of me. It was just then that the curtain was rising upon my life-work, and I dreaded what it might reveal. I hope I was not faithless, but I was timorous and filled with a sense of my own unfitness. I dreaded the work which a gracious providence had prepared for me. I felt myself a mere child, and trembled as I heard the voice which said, “Arise, and thresh the mountains, and make them as chaff.” This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison. So have far better men found it. The scouring of the vessel has fitted it for the Master’s use. Immersion in suffering has preceded the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Fasting gives an appetite for the banquet. The Lord is revealed in the backside of the desert, while his servant keepeth the sheep and waits in solitary awe. The wilderness is the way to Canaan. The low valley leads to the towering mountain. Defeat prepares for victory. The raven is sent forth before the dove. The darkest hour of the night precedes the day-dawn. The mariners go down to the depths, but the next wave makes them mount to the heaven: their soul is melted because of trouble before he bringeth them to their desired haven.

 

Depression and anger are valid emotions

And should not be denied or else they will turn into bitterness which will destroy me.

I am experiencing a range of emotions in response to the news of my redundancy last Thursday. Better to know that overriding the decisions of my employer are in the hand of the sovereign Lord God.

As today is the 27th, I read, as is my habit, the 27th Psalm. The sufficiency of God’s truth puts a check in any lying attacks of depreciation or redundancy.

Psa 27:14  Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Spurgeon notes the following quote:

“Wait on the Lord, be of good courage.” Be comfortable, hold fast (as the Greek hath), be manly, or, quit thee as a man; which word the apostle useth. 1Co_16:13. These are the words of encouragement against remissness, fear, faintness of heart, or other infirmities. – Henry Ainsworth.

Depression and anger are real. God is more real and his courage and strength a remedy.